Trees, pruning, and piles of debris

I spent this weekend learning about pruning. Through hours of work on some predominantly untamed land using a weed whacker, clippers, chain saw, and my two hands I took down several hundred trees, dozens of bushes, and thousands of branches. During this time God showed me many things about how he prunes our lives. (I have found physical labor and a willing heart are more effective than a good therapist!)

When you prune the main action is to cut away, but there are several reasons for doing this. It may be to create new growth, to control growth, to reveal things that can’t be seen because of the existing growth, or to remove dead or unhealthy portions. There is truth in the fact that a tearing down or cutting away has to happen before rebuilding and growth can begin. Spiritually, God uses pruning to remove things from our minds, our actions, and our past in an effort to change us for the future. Though painful, pruning can create help us to grow stronger.

Pruning can reveal wonderful new options and opportunities, but as I learned this weekend it leaves a trail of pruned off material that needs to be dealt with. It took far less time to prune the unwanted things away than it did to clean up the mess afterwards. Sometimes the cleanup work can be even more costly, time consuming, and painful than the actual pruning when God wants to prune and change something in our lives.

Is there anything in your life that God wants to or needs to prune? Are you allowing him access to do that work? It may be a difficult process, but the benefits of growth, change, and life that come from it are worth the cost. Let God, the gardener, do his finest work in you! He loves you so deeply that he wants to see you reach your greatest potential.

Jesus said, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” (John 15:1-8)

P.S. Listening to Pastor Rob Bell from Mars Hill teach about what we are supposed to leave behind and what is causing brokenness in our relationship with God while pruning adds to the experience!

Where have I been?

I have not been blogging for the last two weeks as I felt God calling me in a different area. I have been learning about fasting, not from food, but from other things that can get in the way of my life and time with God. Blogging, Internet, and email were becoming an area where I spent a lot of time each day, and yet I was struggling to make time in my schedule for God.

All that is to say, I have been off spending time actually talking to and being with God rather than just blogging about him and what he is doing in my life. It has been a powerful couple of weeks. He truly is an amazing God and I know exactly why I choose to love him and serve him, and why I want to glorify him.

May he touch your heart and life, and may you see yourself through his eyes which are full of love and compassion.

What to do with the weak, less honorable, and unpresentable?

“Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” (1 Corinthians 12:14-26)

When each of us were born our parents trusted and had faith that all the parts of our body where arranged properly. They expected our organs to be on the inside, our skin to cover our bodies, the right number of legs/arms/eyes/ears/ and for all the various functions of our bodies to work correctly. Some children aren’t born that way though. They might be missing a limb, have an exposed spinal cord, have an extra organ, or have some part of their body that doesn’t function the way it was designed to work.

God’s word says that the parts of the body that seem weaker are indispensable. We can’t live without them. That goes both for our physical body, and for the church. We need all parts of our body to be strong, and to function to our fullest potential. We need each other, every single person. There are people that feel they are weak, less honorable, or unpresentable. There are people that have been labeled weak, without honor, or unpresentable by others in the church.

When we feel this way we need to cling to God’s word and his promises. In God’s Kingdom those people are treated with special honor, special modesty, and special treatment. In other words, those people are treated as they truly are, special. The next time you feel weak, without honor, or unpresentable, remember that God sees you as special and he chooses to treat you that way!

Keep on praying, building, and working, for God is with you!

I took today off from my normal church and went to another church. Due to helping with various responsibilities at church it is rare that I feel I can get away for a weekend. I was already planning to be gone next weekend, but today I needed a place where I could just “be” instead of doing. I needed to not serve, and not deal with relationships with expectations. I just needed a place to wait, listen to, and see God.

I went to a church I had never heard of and knew very little about, only what I had read on the web site. It was an amazing time of being with God and hearing him speak into my life. The music time was 35 minutes of uninterrupted worship of God. There were no announcements, transitions, or other things to break it up, just worship pure and simple. The lesson was long but filled with rich treasures of insights, wisdom, and God’s truth.

The sermon was “Keep on praying, building, and working, for God is with you!” It came from the book of Nehemiah. Here are the key points. Thank you Doug for a sermon that greatly impacted me. God used your words today to touch me and teach me. I needed it!
  • PRAY fervently and continually
      o Nehemiah 1:4-11, 2:4, 4:4-5 & 9, 5:19, 6:9 & 14
  • BUILD in unity and in your place
      o Nehemiah 3
  • WORK hard and with enthusiasm
      o Nehemiah 4:6 “the people had a mind to work” (NKJV)
  • BE PREPARED for BATTLE at all times
      o Nehemiah 4:9, 4:12-23
  • FIGHT for your FAMILIES and your CHURCH
      o Nehemiah 4:1 “fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.” (NKJV)
  • MAKE RIGHT what’s been WRONG
      o Nehemiah 5
  • DO NOT QUIT or GIVE UP, and DON”T BE INTIMIDATED
      o Nehemiah 6:3, 6:11-12
  • REMEMBER – GOD IS WITH YOU AND HE IS WORKING!
      o Nehemiah 6:15-16

We are called to give God our best. He is the one that does the real work. He breaths life into what we do. Sometimes it seems that things aren’t happening and then suddenly something moves and things change. We need to keep praying, building, and working until we see that happen. What is God calling you to be a part of? Are you discouraged or intimidated? If God called you, he will give you all you need to see the work and the battle through. Don’t give up!

Finding joy in God’s precepts

I have been on an amazing journey the last few weeks. I came to a place of opening myself up to God in a new way, a way I had never known before, and that single act has changed me, changed how I view things, changed how I understand things, changed how I respond to things, changed my sense of humor about life, in fact it has changed my life.

In Nehemiah 8:10 it says, “The joy of the Lord is my strength”. There is a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is an attitude and a response to our circumstances. It isn’t necessarily dependent on them, but is a response to them. Joy is the attitude of our spirit, our soul. Joy is not something that comes from us, but is a gift that comes from God if we are willing to receive it. Joy resides in our spirit while happiness is a part of our emotions and our physical being.

In our media driven and fast moving society we have been trained to expect neat and fast resolutions. We have become addicted to happy endings and to closure. We have been trained to manage disappointment by looking on to the next thing with an expectation that it will bring us greater happiness. Without a next thing to look forward to, resolutions, happy endings, and closure what does life hold? If we accept the gift it holds joy! That joy gives us the strength, encouragement, hope, and happiness to move forward, try again, manage our disappointments and look for resolutions, happy endings, and closure.

The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. (Psalm 19:7-10)

Joy does not belong to us, it is the joy of the Lord, but he offers it freely. The Psalmist recognized the value of God’s ways, and how they give joy. Are you willing to receive all God offers and see the benefits the Psalmist presents? They are more than we can imagine.

Bending, twisting, and looking for an upside kingdom

With all the teachings and information we receive it is rare that specifics of a lesson or retreat subject stay with you over time, however when I was in college we did a weekend retreat on the Kingdom of God. It was defined to us as the “upside down kingdom” because of messages such as: the first will be last, a baby came as the king/leader, and the power of the kingdom comes through love not power and domination. That retreat shaped a lot about my understanding of God, his character, and his ways.

We are talking about the Kingdom of God this week at church. I have been reflecting back on all I know about the kingdom and reading what the Bible says about it. How do we relate to the Kingdom of God? If the Kingdom of God is an “upside down kingdom”, then can we see, understand and relate to it while being right side up? Do we need to be twisted and turned upside down to understand?

I believe there is a huge growing problem in how we are approaching God and trying to understand him in the world today. Rather than allowing God to take us, twist us, and turn us upside down so that we are changed, we are taking God and his word and twisting it to fit into our world and our understanding. Instead of learning about the Kingdom of God, too often our efforts are to create the “kingdom of us” and invite God to come visit.

It reminds me of a scene from the movie The Matrix where a young boy is holding a spoon in his hand, and bending it with his mind.

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Are we ready to be bent, twisted, and turned upside down in order to understand God and his kingdom?

Learning to use my tongue wisely

“Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:5-6)

Have you ever thought seriously about the affect your words have on others? Not just the words you intend to communicate, but how they are received by others? It is really humbling!

I am speaking with a lot of people I don’t know right now as I look for a new job. I will only have a brief opportunity to interact with many of these people. I desire to make a positive impression, not just because I want to find work, but also because I want to be a good representative of God in all I say and do. At the same time I have been working through a process where words I shared with someone I care for have been received in a way that was hurtful. Not something I intended. Despite our best intentions we can sometimes speak or write words that can hurt others, or misrepresent ourselves and God. The advice “think before you speak” is sound advice, but don’t forget to try to see things through others eyes too. Unless we know who our audience is, and how our words may be received, we can cause pain or confusion without even meaning to. Now if only I can learn to use my tongue wisely to build up others instead of tear them down.

Who is the shepherd?

“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.” (Matthew 18:12-13)

A common analogy in Christian circles is to refer to a pastor as a shepherd. This probably comes from the fact that pastor comes from the Latin word for shepherd. Jesus is also often referred to as the Great Shepherd. Are Jesus and pastors the only ones who Christ is speaking to here?

Over the last two weeks I have been conversing with four different people in my church family that are wounded and hurting. Some are even considering leaving the church. They aren’t finding others to reach out to them, support them, and encourage them. Their issues aren’t because of a specific problem within my church. It like any other church is a place made up of imperfect people who make mistakes. No matter what has caused the pain though, these people are hurting and need support. My heart grieves over the hurt they feel. Every story of woundedness I have ever heard is different, and each one is intensely real to those who experience it.

I have a growing heart and burden for those who have been hurt, disheartened, wounded, disgruntled, or neglected by churches, Christians, or religion. Our churches are loosing these wounded and abandoned sheep in great numbers and few are willing to listen, support, guide, and help these people heal. It takes time, and effort that most people are not willing to put forth. I myself am walking that path of healing and know how long and difficult it can be. You don’t have to look very far either in or outside of the church to find those who are hurting because of our failings as Christians. Jesus is the Great Shepherd, and I believe pastors are called to shepherd those under their care, but what if we are also called to be the one to go out and find those who are lost, those who have wandered off, and those who are alone and hurt? I don’t believe this parable is about those who haven’t come into relationship with God yet, but rather it is about those who have strayed or fallen away from the safety, care, and support of the flock. The parable above doesn’t say those sheep “will” be found, it says “if”. That implies there is a chance some of them won’t be found. Do you think it only the responsibility of God and the pastors to find those people and bring them home? What if God is waiting for you to be involved? Do you know someone who it hurting, wounded, or abandoned that could use your hand, a word of encouragement, or a supporting shoulder to lean on? Are you willing to join God’s search and rescue team and be a shepherd to needy sheep?

When my thrust runs counter to your thrust

“When my thrust as a person – my hopes, dreams, wants, needs, drives – runs counter to your thrust, there is conflict. To sacrifice my thrust is to be untrue to the push and pull of God within me. To negate your thrust is to refuse to be reverent before the presence and work of God within you. Caring, confronting, and integrating your needs and wants with my needs and wants in our joint effort toward creating Christian community is what effective living is all about.”David Augsburger, Caring Enough to Confront

No matter how you look at it, relationships are hard. We each have our own hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and drives. Often they can conflict with someone else’s. Conflict is normal, but the key is how we handle it. People typically attack, withdraw, escalate, assume a false reality, or bring others into the conflict. Our goal with conflict needs to be to put God and his mission and purposes as the highest priority. We need to forgive and value the other person more than the conflict. We need to find a point of unity where together we pursue the heart of God, not the conflict. We need to admit our sinfulness and need for God, and to love the other person enough to sacrifice our own needs for their best interest. We need to live by the spirit and God’s standards, not our own.

Josh McDowell said, “It is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship.”

“So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Galatians 5:16-26.

Can faith and doubt co-exist?

There is a lot of change and uncertainty in my life right now. Through that I am thinking a lot about doubt, faith, and what it means to believe in and trust God. If we are not believing in God and God’s word, then aren’t we believing something else? Does that mean that if we don’t have faith in God, we have faith in something else? What are the affects in our lives if we doubt? Is questioning the same thing as doubting?

James 1:5-8 states, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.”

In Matthew 7:5-6 “The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’ He replied, ‘If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.’”

According to James, anyone who doubts should not assume he will receive from the Lord, but Matthew tells us that even the tiniest amount of faith can accomplish a lot. Yesterday a friend was sharing how she struggles to trust God when he isn’t physically present. Since we don’t know with our head and eyes that he is there, we can doubt and feel we need to run our lives ourselves. We need to know and believe with more than our head and eyes, but with our hearts. Can I have faith, even the tiniest amount, that God will provide for me, my church, my friends, my family? Can I trust he will provide a job, heal broken relationships, overcome the pain of unexpected death, give direction where needed, overcome fear and trust issues? If I doubt, even a little, am I a double-minded person, unstable in all I do?

Tough questions! I am so glad God is bigger than I am and able to understand all of this. My prayer is like the disciples, Lord, increase my faith!

Who are God’s people?

A few days ago I blogged about who God is. I have been continuing to think about that subject and about what knowing who God is means in my life. Yesterday I learned about a YouTube.com challenge that was issued a few months ago for people to publicly deny God and the Holy Spirit. It was painful to watch some of those videos.

After watching those videos I also heard a teaching on Peter’s profession of faith from Matthew 16:13-20. Here was a man that had been spending time face to face with the Son of God, and even he could struggle to understand and accept who God was. It was only after Peter professed, “You are the Christ, the son of the living God.” that Christ told him what his identity was with God. Later Peter went on to deny Christ, not once but three times, and yet Peter became one of the most influential leaders of Christian history. Was he one of God’s people? Did he believe in Christ? Did he have times of doubt, struggle, and denial? I believe the answer to all of those is yes.

There have been debates for centuries about who God’s people are. Are they those from Israel? Are they Jews? Are they the descendents of Isaac or Ishmael? Are they the people who believe in Jesus? Are they the people who truly live like they believe in Jesus and obey his teachings? Are they the people who attend Christian churches? Are they the people who are saved because they “confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead.” (Romans 10:9)?

There are references to God’s people all the way back in the earliest parts of the Old Testament, and those references continue to the very last verse in the Bible. “The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.” Revelation 22:21 I don’t know if we will ever be able to answer the question fully about who God’s people are because ultimately that is between each person and God. When we try to determine if someone is real or authentic in their walk with God we are making judgments toward them and are possibly destroying unity with others, things that God clearly speaks against. I do think there are times we can look at others though and see that they are living as God’s people, such as those people who made videos denying his existence.

I think the more important question is what does it mean to be God’s people? It means that the people are chosen, owned, selected, claimed. It means that God identifies people as belonging to him, and he publicly shares that with others. It means God has possession of those people. He is willing to go to great lengths to tell the people of his care for them. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who tells you they value you and calls you friend but they don’t want to share it with others? Have you be been in a relationship with someone who values you so much they want to tell everyone about you and how special you are? Those relationships leave us with very different feelings. God tells his people that he made them, cherishes them, wants relationship with them, wants to bless them, and loves them in spite of every fault they have.

There are people who deny the existence of God, but that doesn’t change who God is or how he cares about them. It doesn’t change the fact that God has chosen people and given each of us the chance to choose him in return.

I am certain that God wants me, loves me, and will do just about anything to convince me of that. He knows everything about me, every stupid, ugly, selfish, horrible thing about me and he still wants to tell everyone how special I am and that he loves me. Now the choice is up to you and me. Do we want to be someone that is chosen, owned, selected, and claimed by God? Do we want to belong to him? Am I one of “God’s people”? If that means he is able to call me his and treat me like someone he owns, cares for, and cherishes, then I want to be called one of God’s people!

Who is this God?

Over the last few months I have spent a lot of time looking at God’s character. I have wrestled with tough questions about who he is, how he shows himself, and what his perspectives are. Growing up as a pastor’s daughter and being a part of a Christian church since the day I was born there were many beliefs and understandings that I have never challenged or questioned before. I have made many assumptions and blindly accepted things. I have listened as pastors and teachers have given me the good “church” answers and rarely questioned if what they said was right or real. Since my father was also the pastor and my youth group leader questioning what I was being taught would have probably caused me a significant crisis in my faith and life.

So, now that I am older, can admit that I don’t know everything, and have a little more experience in questioning and seeking answers on my own I have grappled with who God is, why I believe, what I believe, what those beliefs mean for me, and what parts I really struggle with. Growing up in the church I was given descriptions of God that might work inside the church, but do not work as I talk to those who do not know God. It is like trying to describe color to someone who is blind, or flavor to someone who does not have a sense of taste.

Who is God: a spirit, the creator, the Alpha and Omega, Prince, King, the Father, our friend, the beginning, the end, the Trinity, Yahweh, Lord, the Messiah, a shepherd, the light, the leader, almighty, everlasting, unchanging, omnipotent, omniscient, eternal, healer, sanctifier, redeemer, holy, faithful…..and the list goes on.

My question is what does all of that mean? They are great words, but when I say them/write them do I know what they mean? Do they mean the same thing to someone else? Do they mean anything at all?

I think the more important thing to learn is what God is like, what his character is like. A man at my home group this week described God in the Old Testament as angry, wrathful, harsh, and mean. Someone else said they do not see God as having that character, but instead saw him as loving, patient, and forgiving. The Bible tells a story of a God who created a world and made people to dwell on it. It is the story of God wanting relationship with those people and wanting the very best for them. Again and again he encourages his people, gives them blessings, and tries to teach them the choices to make that lead to the very best life possible. Although there have been a few people who really pursued God’s heart, each of them made huge mistakes along that path and yet God loved them incredibly. People as a whole have turned away from God again and again, yet God’s character has been to remain faithful to seek to have relationship with them (us). He is willing to do just about anything to win us over. He does seem to be loving, patient, kind, generous, patient, and forgiving when we see the story in that way.

There are elements of God’s character that I still am grappling with though. They don’t keep me from relationship with him, but they do cause me confusion. Here are just a few examples.
• God cares so much about those he hasn’t met that he is willing to go after them until he wins the heart of just one that is lost. That is incredible!…but does he have to leave those who are under his care to do it? Does he leave them in the open and unprotected where they could face attack? Does that result in some who were found being lost? (Luke 15:1-7)
• Is God unfair? In Matthew 20:1-16 the manager treats each of the people in exactly the same way. My pastor taught on this passage a few months ago saying God was unfair. I can’t see his perspective. Likely I misunderstood the sermon! We don’t get what we deserve, but we get exactly what God wants to give us and he treats each of us equally. How incredibly fair! He offers relationship and whether we accept it now or on our deathbed the offer is the same. Not one of us deserves that gift.
• Does God change his mind? Malachi 3:6 says “For I am the Lord; I change not”, yet in Hosea 11:8b he says, “My heart is changed within me.” In Genesis 1:26 God creates man, but by Genesis 6:5-7 he seems to grieve about that choice and no longer want us. He tells Jonah that he will destroy Ninevah (Jonah 3:4) but he doesn’t because the city changes from their evil ways (verse 10).

Have you ever struggled to understand or get to know another person? We are supposed to be made in God’s image. If we are complex and difficult to understand, how much more so complex and difficult is God?

I don’t have answers about who God is, but I am willing to ask that question, accept the things I can easily see, and grapple with the things that are harder. Are you willing to take a look at God? Are you willing to not just accept those answers you have been given by someone else, but ask the questions yourself? What aspects of God’s character confuse you? There is an amazing journey we can take in trying to know and understand this complex, difficult, loving, forgiving, friend, leader, creator, eternal……God! I am thankful he lets us do it together.

Do we keep ugly battles out of sight?

“We think there’s a proper way to mourn. Ugly battles should remain out of sight. Acceptable battles may be shared, but only if we season our account with hope. A husband may admit to his small group, “My wife and I sometimes quarrel, but we know the spirit is working to bring us closer.” I think I would stand up and cheer if just once I heard a man share, “My wife and I right now hate each other’s guts. We want a good marriage, but we have no idea what to do and we’re scared out of our wit’s we’ll never figured it out.” (I should point out that my applause would be for the man’s realism, not for the state of his marriage.)”

“That level of honesty is reserved for the counseling office. Church is too often a place of pretense and therefore a place without hope. When brokenness is disdained, when the real story is never told, the power of God is not felt. Where brokenness is invited and received with grace, the Gospel comes alive with hope.”

“The Western church has become a community of either the victorious or the acceptably broken. Either we speak glowingly of our love for Jesus-usually because the blessings are abundant-or we struggle nobly through hard times, convincing others and sometimes ourselves that we are doing better than we are. With each other we are more proper than real, more appropriate than alive.” (Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb)

I made a hard decision yesterday to stop trying to be acceptable and proper, but instead to be real. I made a choice to no longer keep my ugly battle out of sight, but to open it up and let it be known. I made a choice to show my brokenness and pain, my frustration and fear, and my insecurities and doubts. I sat down with two men I have had communication struggles with and I shared my heart as openly and honestly as I knew how. These two men are my pastors. They are people I care about deeply, but I also have struggled to trust.

I was intensely hurt in another church. Knowing how to trust again is difficult enough, but to trust a spiritual leader without reservation is something I can not accomplish yet. My pastors sit as a constant reminder of the pain I went through and what I have to overcome to feel and see myself as healthy again. They hold enormous power in my life, and when misused that can cause enormous pain. Yesterday I opened up my ugly battle and handed over my weapons, surrendering to let them respond how they will, even if it means them picking the weapons up and causing me more pain.

I don’t usually talk about my struggles because I want to be part of that “acceptably broken” Western church. I don’t like my story and my past because I don’t want to be broken, needy, or unacceptable. I have lived trying to convince myself and others that I am doing okay. Many days I am! Other days, I am not even close! A few minutes ago I received a letter from a friend who heard my pain and brokenness on Monday. Her letter reminds me exactly why God tells us we need others. I can’t be honest, real, or broken unless I have others to share that with. Larry Crabb said, “Acceptable battles may be shared, but only if we season our account with hope.” Is any battle really acceptable? The ones that I know about are dirty, bloody, ugly, painful, and horrible. They aren’t seasoned with hope, but through them can come hope, freedom, peace, joy, and new life.

Have you ever let your ugly battles be seen? Have you ever stopped being proper and appropriate long enough to be real, alive, honest, and truly broken instead of proper or  only acceptably broken? Maybe it is time for you to hand over your weapons and surrender them to someone.

Seeking to understanding the needs others bring to community

One of my most significant struggles in being a part of a church is finding a place where I feel I fit and can have meaningful relationships with others. At first glance that may not sound like a big issue, and in many ways it is something we all struggle with. The key of the issue for me is that I am single. Although singles make up about 50% of our culture, the percentage is far lower in the church.  Often there are roles that singles can not fill in churches, or the exact opposite happens and churches expect that singles have time and energy to serve in ways that others don’t. Some churches are very family centered, which can often leave singles that are not connected to a family group to feel very out of place. I attend a church that is not family centered, but because there are strong family networks in the church and there is a high percentage of families with children (or expecting) the struggle to find the place to fit is difficult. Being a small church there are few singles in the church and many of them are connected with one of the family groups.

A couple weeks ago I was talking with someone at church about the struggle I face and how lonely it can feel to not make connections with people when I desire to do that so deeply. The wife I was talking with emailed me later as the reality of what it would be like to not have a husband or family member to talk with sunk in. One of the things I have found is that unless someone spent a significant length of time as a single adult they tend to forget the perspective that a single might have regarding church and relationships. I have had several other conversations with singles, those that are married, and even pastors lately trying to learn how to better express what I experience and where I am coming from, while also learning to see the needs and experiences of others around me. Just like I often feel people don’t understand my perspective as a single, I can fail to see or understand the perspective of a married man, a mother, a senior citizen, or a teenager.

I have been left thinking a lot about community and how we can walk together. Yesterday I was speaking with my pastor about the difference between caring for and caring about others. He can’t “care for” everyone in the church, but he does have a heart to care about others. That is a heart we should all have. We all have a need though to care for and be cared for also. I have been looking around my community a lot more lately, trying to see and understand the experience of others. Trying to recognize what others might be looking for in community, and trying to expand my heart so I can understand them better. I have realized that the only way to do that, is to take the time to ask questions and listen to what they want and need. If we are really going to be involved in each others lives and find a point of connection we need to know the stories of those around us and see things through their perspectives.

I have started trying to share more about my story, my heart, and what I and many singles who live alone come to community looking for and needing. Here are a few things that I have shared with others. What are things that you, or someone in your situation in life might be looking for or needing? How can we learn from each other so we can be a stronger and healthier community where we truly share life together?

• face to face communication with someone
• physical contact (a touch, a hug, a baby to hold, a child to play with)
• someone to laugh with, play with, enjoy life with
• a place/relationships where others communicate I am wanted, chosen, pursued, desired (singles can feel no one wants them or chooses them – especially those of the opposite gender)
• relationships where I am cared for (not just cared about) and where I can invest and care for (not just care about) others
• someone who is willing to be there when I am sick, hurting, needy, or just lonely
• someone who offers to help out with those things in life where we just need a third hand (moving furniture, taking the car to the shop, running an errand when life is crazy)
• relationships where I can feel like I belong to a family and where I have opportunity to share with and give to others like I desire to with a family
• a place to love, give to, and serve others – an outlet for the desires I have to do this with a spouse and/or children that is unmet
• someone to do something with, just hang out with, or eat a meal with (sometimes I go weeks without sharing a meal with anyone)
• something/someone to invest in, care about, spend time with
• depth and meaningful interaction
• people to give a different perspective and share some accountability with
• enthusiasm, encouragement, passion, and support

Earnest prayer

Have you ever prayed for something earnestly? Longing, waiting, hoping, grasping, dreaming, or desiring to see God answer your request. On the night Jesus was arrested he went to the garden to pray. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” (Luke 22:42-44).

Jesus prayed, and God answered. God sent an angel to appear before Christ and to strengthen him. After that, after he was strengthened…. Jesus didn’t stop praying, dry his eyes, and give up his pursuit after God. He was in anguish, so he prayed more earnestly, and he worked so hard he sweat deeply.

What an image for us! Even when God sent one of his closest messengers to offer aid and strength it wasn’t all that Christ needed or wanted. Christ continued to pursue, to ask, to seek, to hope.

Have you given up asking for or seeking for something? Have you felt like God already gave you an answer and the conversation is closed? If you are still in anguish, maybe now is the time to open that conversation again, to go to God with an earnest and open heart that is willing to work to hear and receive all that God has for you. It may take work, and even tears but if you are going to the feet of God I am certain you will not walk away with nothing.