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Godstop 3: Looking back

March 8, 2007

Often it is good in life to look backwards so we don’t forget what God is doing in our life. Five months ago I spent a week in prayer and fasting. I was seeking direction for my life in the areas of how to spend my time, money, energy, and walk out relationships with others. The time of fasting was partially inspired by a phone call from a college friend who also has been seeking direction in his life amidst great changes.

That week culminated in a wrestling match where I learned about what it is to surrender my heart to God and learned more about his heart. My passion to give my life away and live it for Him in all I say and do grew immensely. I made a very tough decision that day and dropped out of graduate school. I wanted my life to matter, and I wanted to help those in need. I wanted to be a servant willing to risk it all for the God I love. I felt that the time and money I had been spending on school could be invested in something more valuable. God gently and lovingly asked me if a relationship with Him was worth that time and money. I finished that week really wanting my life to glorify God by impacting the lives of those around me. It was a scary and uncomfortable place to be, but also exciting to be desiring after God’s heart so deeply.

The last few weeks have been difficult as I have wrestled with some areas where I have needed to learn and grow. I have felt very distant from God and his leading in my life, questioning if I was growing at all. Looking back at the last five months has given me new perspective. I know that it would have been extremely difficult to have continued in school over these months because of all the ways I have been changing. I don’t regret the decision to drop out at all. I have invested my time, energy, and money in a lot of different ways over these months. I know that I have touched lives through my giving, and I know I have grown in my relationship with God. We go through many seasons in our lives. Some are easy and some are not, but we should never loose sight that a season is just that, a season. The conditions in our lives may change, but the security of our relationship with God and his love for us never does.

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