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Quest for Humility

February 9, 2010

Is there something in your life that you deeply desire but which seems to always be out of your grasp?

For me, that is humility. I want to be a humble person. I want to have a contrite spirit and heart. I don’t want to have any thoughts or feelings of control or entitlement.

But I do.

I admit it, I am not who I want to be.

Over the last few days I have been on a quest to change this, to become humble. Now, in a way that doesn’t make a lot of sense. I am spending time, energy, and focus to become driven for humility! That could be referred to as an oxymoron. I guess I am hoping that God can see my heart.

Each time I see something in my life that is anywhere from a glimpse to blatant outright control or entitlement I know that I am not being humble. I no longer like those parts of myself. In fact, I am learning to despise them (in a good way).

Last week someone shared some information with me that was very hard to receive. They are so frustrated that they are unable to communicate in a way that does not express great displeasure with me.

It makes me want to defend myself.

I can feel frustration, anger, resentment, and displeasure that want to invade me heart.

Instead I am choosing to love.

I want to receive this information with great humility. I want to hear exactly what this person is saying and to receive it openly and fully. I want to hear every piece of truth that is in what is being shared and to let it sink in at deep levels to help me change.

In my quest for humility I am laying down my weapons.

In my quest for humility I am closing my mouth.

In my quest for humility I am relinquishing my desire to be right and to be entitled.

In my quest for humility I am surrendering control.

In my quest for humility I am falling on the grace of God and believing that He is in control.

To become humble I have to walk like I already am so I am opening myself up for others to speak in to my life, opening myself up for God to speak into my life.

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