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Wrecked and Ruined

April 23, 2010

I made a choice, a choice to believe.

I didn’t know what that choice would mean in the future, but He had captured my heart and I knew I wanted to follow.

I made a choice, a choice to commit.

I didn’t know what that choice would mean, but the choice was easy because He already had captured my heart.

I made a choice, a choice to surrender.

I didn’t know what that choice would mean. I didn’t know what surrender would be like. I made the choice to try.

I didn’t know that two years after believing and committing I would be led to give more time and effort through following and serving. I didn’t know that a year later I would have to choose to follow even though it meant offending my parents. I didn’t know that hree years later I would leave everyone and everything I knew to serve on the mission field. I have given up time, money, reputation, relationships, opportunities, and comforts all because I choose to believe, to commit, to surrender. Those are all decisions I do not regret.

Once I made the choices I was no longer in charge of my life. I had allowed Him a level of access that I would never be able to hold tightly again.

Lately, I have been wrecked and ruined in following the Lord. I have felt such conviction in my heart that if I do not live out my beliefs and speak out my heart, then I am not being truth and faithful to who God has made me. As I have grown closer to God and have continued my focus on his ways my heart has changed and I now have little desire to be like the culture.

I am making a choice to believe.

I didn’t know what this choice will mean in the future, but I am now believing all his word says about him, about me, and about how to live life. I am believing the Bible is the source of Truth and will lead and guide all areas of my life.

I am making a choice to commit.

I didn’t know what this choice will mean in the future, but I know without a doubt that I will follow no matter what lies ahead. I am committing to step up to lead and teach even when I don’t feel qualified. I am committing to be a voice, a presence, a storyteller, a leader, a servant, and a team member. I am committing to love him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love others without hesitation, fear, or attitude.

I am making a choice to surrender.

I didn’t know what this choice will mean in the future, but I do know it isn’t about me. I am choosing to let go of my need to control, my need for understanding, and my need for safety. I am choosing to surrender my rights so that he is greater.

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